Live To List

After more than six months not working, it’s quite interesting to be back to working. I started on a Wednesday, so it’s the end of the second week.

I wear a uniform. Everyday. I’m not really used to that, yet. (My previous long term employment did come with a uniform, but I wore it on average once a week). Much less, that I have to wear pantyhose. I have options between a dress, a skirt and trousers, but the wool of the trousers mean I always wear something underneath to minimise itchiness. I thankfully got home early enough on Friday to be able to drop the trousers to a tailor to line.

My start times have been a little variable, as I move around different sites to meet people and see how they do things. But I also start some ‘classroom’ style training in the coming week too. I’m appreciative that they don’t last a complete eight hour day!

Unfortunately this second week of work has also coincided with my fifth cold this season. I must be doing something wrong! Most of the week, I just poured whatever energy I had into work, and then retreated to bed for a few hours the minute I got home. I slept a few hours, then was awake for a few hours of prime time TV and some food, and then back for a full night’s sleep. My lethargy was so complete that I didn’t actually get to a chemist until Friday. I can only wonder how helpful some cold and flue medication might have been earlier in the week! It’s been a game changer!

Otherwise, how’s the work? Well, I’m not actively managing just yet, but slowly being introduced to my branch’s business, and also the parents companies brands. There’s lots of similar sorts of thing: managing a fleet of vehicles, working with the crew who will attend funerals. There’ll be a large component of running the office/depot that I’m based at, and the three satellite locations. I imagine property management will be a slow process, given corporate always has an overlay of what is possible and affordable. There’ll be a level of tidying and arranging all the inventory into sensible locations – rather than scattered across the one main location I work at. There’ll also been a bucketload of ‘this happened, now what?’ style questions – problems that arise during day to day work, and them being refereed to me, their manager, when I’m currently ill equipped to even know all the options! Honestly, it’s daunting but also good to think of your feet!

I feel this weird sense that now I should be striving. Reaching. It’s a perverse feeling, but also oh so common. Climb, grow, stretch. However, I’m in the ‘learn’ phase. Look around. Think. Ask questions. And make lists… always lists!

What a day . No photos because… that didn’t seem respectful.

Unsurprisingly I’m exhausted after my first day back working. It didn’t help that I didn’t find it easy to fall or stay asleep last night either. It started with a hiccup – the wrong express train! I was due at Lidcombe at 8:30 to try on and collect the parent brand uniforms. Thankfully, everything I needed was available in my size: skirt, pants, dress, three identical tops, a blazer, a trench coat, a cardigan, a belt, 2 of 5 pairs of stockings and leather gloves and a black hat. All in black. Most of the suiting pieces in wool too! If I’d been a white lady, there was even pearl earrings and necklaces!! (In addition to white and fawn everything).

At 10, I was collected by my equivalent – I’m coming on board to halve her heavy burden and work load. She was taking me to watch a funeral and talk me through what I was seeing. We watched the matriarch and brand ambassador conduct a priest’s funeral – a conductor doesn’t run the service – that’s for a priest or a celebrant. Then there’s a hearse driver, who the conductor travels with. Then there’s any number of mourning cars, whether internal or hired cars with drivers, who collect the family or nearest and dearest.

After the service, there was a light lunch in the parish hall. After that, those closest to the deceased continue onto the cemetery for the burial. First for me – never been to a grave side. The hearse comes up to the grave site which has been pre dug. The conductor asked if the family and friends wanted to carry the coffin this one last time (it is wheeled into and out of the church on little concertina device).

From there, we all returned to our base. A garage that fits a surprising number of vehicles, wow, tricky parking, that’s for sure. Above the garage is where the stock of coffins are, where they are trimmed and prepared. When they are selected for a service, they have the decorative handles and thumb screws added, as well as a cross as appropriate.

On the other side of the laneway from the garage is the larger building with the office – full of arrangers. These are the people who meet the family and prepare all the details. It’s an old building, so it’s a real collection of rooms and corridors and stairs.

I’ve met most of my team – I met two at the funeral, one the hearse driver and the other a mourning car driver. Back at base, I met the person filling in for the mortician who is on holidays currently, plus two other men. They are all older than me – which did not surprise me (but the reverse may not be true!). One or two of the men have been in the industry for 20ish years, but the balance have 1-2 years experience, like my boss.

At around 4pm, after having a lovely afternoon tea brought over by the recruiters who brought me on board, the men went home, I did some final paperwork, and then had what I assume is an early mark. Not a minute too soon! I am feeling it after so many hours on my feet!

Things I’m looking forward to

• meeting new people
• learning a whole new industry
• feel my work is emotionally meaningful

What I’m a little apprehensive about

• wearing a uniform again! Will it look good? Will it suit me?
• tiredness – being unemployed has allowed me to slow down when I need to. Eight hour of work doesn’t provide as much flexibility
• thinking I’ll be emotionally resilient – and finding I’m not!

Going into this, I’m trying to consider some strategies. Here’s what I’ve come up with

• death is a natural part of life – even if it’s too soon or impossible to consider life without someone
• pain and suffering ends for the person when they die, and transfers to other people. Keeping that the person is at peace is going to be helpful.
• it’s an event – a big and important event – like a wedding. People have high expectations. And likely a sense of being ‘ripped off’. Keep those competing ideas in mind.

Let’s see how it goes!

No actually.

But what has always fascinated me is knowing how things work. How electricity works. How they get power to cities. And how, the one thing we all have to do, is die. But it is largely a mystery on how the logistics of being buried or cremated happens. it’s during a stressful time of high emotions, and financial decisions and huge shifts in family dynamics.

I first thought about the funeral industry in 2009/2010 when I did a term on funerals in my one day a week floristry course. When we did the funeral unit, we had an excursion to a family owned and run funeral home. The purpose was to learn more about the terminology and how the floral arrangements were constrained by the coffins and the hearses.

No one had many questions, that I recall, on that excursion. I had a ton. (This is likely genetic, both my parents always know where a cab or Uber driver is from and how many kids they have etc etc). I thought it was a great opportunity to lift the curtain in a time when I wasn’t grieving and find out how it all worked.

Then, in 2017, my paternal grandfather and my material grandmother died. They were both the ‘last’ on each side. So I was with my parents and aunts and uncles at both their homes, clearing them out. I was the personal who was in charge of talking to the nursing home staff about when to empty grandma’s room. I had the terse conversations with one funeral company who could not shift out crematorium time an hour or two, and so also engaged with a new funeral company (not surprisingly, the one I did that excursion to in 2010!). I was calm under pressure, I was rational. I didn’t ‘do it all’, but I was a help.

So in 2018, I arranged two informational phone calls with funeral companies. I sent some emails or online inquiries, and two places got back to me. In my work lunch breaks and one weekend, I chatted to different people and worked out more of what the job entailed. And how little it paid :/

I realised: I don’t come to work for the pay. It’s a bonus. As in, it’s not cause i get ‘really huge number’ that I come to work with any more pep in my step. I resent being paid a lot and being bored, or not challenged. I’ve come to be paid exceptionally well and most of it is honestly, a bonus. I have easily met my needs and wants and still I saved money. Perhaps a high salary is great, but it’s not NEEDED. I’m still not sure how this will play out in time. I’ll be sure to blog about it when I know more. In the mean time, I have done 18 months of expense tracking, and wrote a 2019 budget. Neither of these were previous habits, so they’ve set me in good stead.

Death is one thing we all have to go through. But I want to understand how that works. How can it be done well? I don’t fear it, but I do want to understand and be ready for it.

Today, I got a verbal offer!

So, definitely since late 2017, and into 2018, I felt a sense of ‘now what?’. I had been in the same role for long enough to have achieved a lot of what I’d hoped to, and to also be a little battle weary from the constant restructures and cost cutting/efficiency measures. I also saw both a mentor and a much loved manager be treated poorly by the company – so overall, I become just a little bit totally over work.

In early 2018, I took a month of leave at half pay. I did a week screen free (being less than 30mins screen per day). I did jigsaw puzzles and listened to podcasts. I met a recruiter or two. When I returned to work, I was in the same job in a different location with a different team. It was management’s attempt to help me through my malaise. But it was the same stuff in a different place. Same larger organisational challenges, slightly different actors and slightly shifted perspectives. I wasn’t growing, and I had a healthy sense of hatred for the constant changes in the company. A recruiter rang and suggested a role that might suit – it sounded horrendously boring, but I figured, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I took that role – a 12 month contract. I tried to see if my original employer would give me a 12 month career break. They would not. I was transparent about why I was asking – I saw it as a strategic advantage – and it would have been. No one was getting career breaks then – save for a senior executive who sailed around Europe and threatened resignation otherwise and that clearly worried them?!

The contract was cut short to nine months. I was told the day before my birthday. The day before the removalists were booked to move me from rent free living with my parents, and back to my apartment. Either of these factors could have been devastating – instead I tried to maintain a professionalism and gravitas when I was told. Inside, I was excited. Thankful. The job had shown me a different bunch of things my knowledge and skills could excel at, but I had also been frustrated by the intensity of editing on everything I produced, the layers of management in every small thing. The lack of direction provided to me, but also to the state from the government. I served out my week and left with a spring in my step.

That was more than six months ago. Initially, I arranged coffee dates with professional contacts. I applied for a job I was semi head hunted for, and then ultimately didn’t perform well enough at interview (and… didn’t mind. I agreed with their feedback, and whilst I could have done a better job, my lack of interest in doing a better job was telling to me) I got sick. I got better. I went to Europe. I came home, and got sick again. I dropped off on professional coffee catch ups – my heart wasn’t in it. The electricity industry is shrinking – the funding is being reduced. Customers are paying more and complaining loudly. Politicians continue to talk about electricity but no one really heed the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission’s report, the key take away for me was: RETAILERS ARE TAKING A BIGGER CUT THAN EVER. Of course they are – they are the bells and whistles. The marketing juggernauts. The cashed up end of town that lobbies governments, so despite the ACCC’s report, there’s no way governments can claw back to a past where retail pricing was strongly regulated, or where retailers were government owned. That ship has sailed. Capitalism and free market economies haven’t worked for this natural monopoly.

If this all sounds like a rank – I’m not sorry. However, I note that this vitriol is part of why I don’t want to continue in my industry. And ultimately, the bulk of my career skills aren’t ‘electricity’ stuff, but management of projects and staff, budgets, analysing data, drafting ministerial briefs and correspondence to constituents. I just no longer want to be in an environment which is fundamentally falling to bits, and I’m smart enough to know I’m not the mosquito (the one small thing) to change this world. Instead of getting into the arena, I’m finding a new arena.

It’s been hard to work out what next. I went on a date on a Thursday night – a first date, quite unplanned. Dinner at a nearby pub. The date was not a keeper, but his advice was: go where the energy flows. Don’t worry about salary, don’t worry about others think, do what you want. And what I want: the death industry. Well funerals.

So, despite having a truck load of ‘engineering’ adjacent skills, and floristry skills, I took to applying for roles in funeral companies. The date was Thursday. Friday morning I did some quick applications. Friday afternoon a recruiter for one of the jobs called. And that recruiter is still calling…

I feel this is already a long read, so I will perhaps post another day on the ‘why’ of this industry.